Day 1 of the Cleanse

I just slurped down 8 oz of sludge known as the "fiber drink".  I gagged once, felt the drink coming back up... no, I can do this, just breathe...  Ok... I got this. I feel like I am trying to take shots on my 21st birthday all over again.  No puke and rally on these things, there is no back up.  For the last five and a half months I feel like I have given a pretty good effort into weight loss.  However in the last three months my weight has gone down about five pounds but then slowed down.  I have gone up three pounds then back down for about two months.  So basically, I have really not lost much of anything since May.  As of this morning (up two pounds today), I have 15 pounds to go until pre-baby weight.  My heart broke this morning.  I have spent the last 72 hours being extremely diligent to control calories, fiber, carbs, fat,  and workout (ran each day, played soccer, abs) and then I gain two pounds.

All the more reason for the excitement with the cleanse.  The next 10 days will probably be really hard.  I still get to eat 6 times a day but it's usually fruit and veggies.  I will get some protein and complex carbs, but I feel like this is a chance for me to meet my goals.  I know some of it will be water weight, some of it sludge from my colon and some of the fact that I will be putting out more than I am taking in.  It just feels frustrating that for three months now, I have lost nothing. 

I have exactly three weeks left of maternity leave.  21 days.  I want to get back into those cute J.Crew pants (my whole collection).  I can button them, but they look awful.  I don't feel proud of my body as it stands.  I know I have made huge progress from the 208 pound pregnant lady I was, but I still want to get back to me.  Everyone said, "don't gain to much weight when you're pregnant because it goes on a lot easier than it comes off".  At the time eating every carb in sight made sense.  Now seeing her roll on the floor happy and content, I have no regrets... except all those M&M's, cookies, tacos, PBJ's, crackers, and candy.  Oh I suppose I didn't need all those carbs.

Now, I feel like all of my despite my effort, I am fighting to return back to form.  My arms, legs, face and chest and slowly shrinking but my lower belly is just lose and not how it used to be.  No amount of crunches is really making huge progress.  So this is it.  The final minutes of the game.  I don't care how hard this is.  I am going to do it and do it right....