Waiting

As a little girl, my mom often said, "Patience is a virtue". I kept thinking, "yeah, whatever that means". I suppose now that I am older it holds more truth as I, ironically, still struggle to be patient for God's beautiful plan and promise. The following blogs are my thoughts and trials about life's journey and the emotions of being patient in waiting for the sun to rise...

Friday, April 22, 2016

Set Straight... Again..

It's amusing to me how many times I have to learn the same lesson over and over again.  One would think that when it comes to your health, you would be able to make changes for a long haul because you are educated, you know the right thing, and you don't want to feel bad.  But yet again, I had to press a reset button after a steady decline and crash.  Maybe the name of my blog should be "Hopelessly in Love with Crap" or "Confessions of a Carb Addict" because last week I had to repeat my glucose test, tested for positive for anemia, and have some low levels in my blood this pregnancy due to none other than: poor diet choices.

A lot of women go a little off the deep end during pregnancy, but I tend to revert back to my 3 year old cravings.  Mac N  Cheese, PBJ and pizza seem to be my staples with a side of sandwiches, creamy soups, and nothing that really involves fruits or vegetables.   I crave sugar, sugar, and a little more sugar.  Cookies, brownies, cake, cows milk, chips, sandwiches, candy even which as a non-pregnant person I rarely eat.  This pregnancy though, I have been so nauseated that I sort of made major excuses for falling off the wagon because I only gained 10 pounds in 30 weeks.  Most of that weight is recent gain because I finally do not need anti-nausea medication anymore (PRAISE THE LORD)!  That's a huge hooray however what happened in the first and second trimester this time was embarrassing, I regressed, and now I am paying for it.

Last fall, I was told I have a second reproductive condition called PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and despite what the name says, it actually has a lot to do with insulin levels.  My doctor is somewhat of an expect on the topic and throughout his 30 page Power Point notes, I realized, "holy hot dogs, this disease has everything to do with why I crave sugar".  In less than 45 minutes, the man soothed my guilt but made me very aware of the power of wacky hormones.  The hormones of a woman with PCOS are off.  Some women are severely overweight, have facial hair, talk in deeper voices, don't have regular periods, etc.  Other women are super thin but have some of the other traits.  But the big issue it creates is that it a. creates lots of cysts on the ovaries that mess up ovulation and b. jacks up your endocrine system so your body doesn't produce the right amount of insulin to process sugars.  Most women with PCOS could eventually end up with Type 2 Diabetes if they don't control what they eat.  Sad news for a short girl who loves her pasta.  His prescription for the disease is to eat a Paleo diet and take an insulin resistance blocker every day for the rest of my life aka a death sentence.

So one would think once I have had the last two years that I have had that I would be scared straight into a Paleo lifestyle right?   I mean I could end up having to stick myself daily because of my own eating habits, that would be stupid and ignorant of me.  When I think about a doubled chance of having Type 2 diabetes I shutter.  But hormones are a powerful thing, and after several months of feeling like I could toss my cookies every day, I went out a bought LOTS of cookies (and other processed crap) to celebrate the end of my misery.  However, that just made a bad situation way worse.

This baby is on track but in my body, he looks like I am growing an NFL linebacker because I am short and so the only place to go is OUT OUT OUT.  And because I had been rather healthy and aware the six months before I got pregnant, my blood panels before pregnancy were 100% perfect.  I got a gold star of health in August from my PCP and blood work.  I had been working out 5-6 days a week, eating clean and following the 21 Day Fix.  I had lost a decent amount of weight and was trying to get my body to respond with a regular cycle and increased energy/decreased anxiety.  And all of that was working pretty well even without the insulin resistance blocker.  So I am a little concerned how quickly I fell back into the haze of drunken shame when I was called two weeks ago and told I was anemic, my hemoglobin levels were low and I failed my glucose intolerance test.  I know what happened... I stopped eating veggies and lean meat, I stopped working out, and I started becoming a carb munching, soda drinking, sloth who slept most of the afternoon away and blamed it all on being preggo.
But it's interesting because as a therapist, I know it wasn't JUST because I like to eat.  I realize we had several major stressors that I was muddling through.  Holistically, in every aspect of life right now, things have been a little, eh, out of whack.  Made huge changes at work, feeling the financial pinch of two kids, house needed work, sister battling cancer and me not knowing how to help, family issues, friends hurting and needing support, moving offices and planning a move, 4 weeks of bronchitis, and a partridge in a pear tree.  So I know why I found my old friend, Mother Bread, I was anxious, hurting, angry, and tired and she soothed me...

So getting those results I looked around and realized, yeah, I am tired and have headaches.  My body hurts and I have NO ENERGY at all.  I don't want to work, my anxiety is high and my zest for life is down to a puddle.  I have fallen off the wagon, more like fallen off a cliff after falling off the wagon and now my body seeks vengeance.  Baby boy still looks great but if I don't stop indulging, I am only hurting myself.  So back on the clean eating diet I went.  Back to taking vitamins, and monitoring my sleep cycle I went.  Back to walking and wearing my fitbit I went.  Cutting out sugar, cleaning out the pantry.  Here we go AGAIN....

I can't believe how easy it is to make your body well, you just STOP EATING CRAP and get moving again.  In 5 days, I felt completely different. My energy level peaked and I have only needed a nap 1 time in over a week.  It's worth it.  It's worth not feeling run down all the time.  And it's worth not being diabetic.  But again, I am at a place of shame because for me, this isn't just gaining a few pounds from bad food choices, this is hurting my body.  I can't say enough about the 21 Day Fix plan.  I hope that after little man arrives I get back to their system of eating clean, working out for 30 minutes, and being nutritionally mindful.  I am refilling my piggy bank with good foods, but man, did I almost go bankrupt.  And I just wanted to write because I know so many of you have fertility issues and heartache and it's so easy to go drink wine and depend solely on medical intervention, but sometimes it's about doing the right thing for your body even when it doesn't seem to taste as good.  It is so worth it...

My PA emailed me directly with the results of my glucose test.  After only 36 hours of cutting out sugar, she emailed me and said, "Kerrie, you passed with flying colors"!!!  I was well within the normal glucose range this time.   I lost 3 pounds (which wasn't desired) but it was mostly bloated water weight.  And honestly, I feel so much better.  I still get stressed, tired, and my hips are starting to pull apart but I am not longer solely surviving this pregnancy.  I know it's not as easy or as fun as eating carbs all the time, but even just sugar free and low carb is making all the difference.  Hang in there mommas....