For an hour this morning, a new coworker and I started to talk about our horror stories of mental health agencies. Her story was about 10 years longer and much more depressing. She worked her way up a ladder of leadership only to find that even at the top, it was still miserable. It seems that, for the most part, agencies do take advantage of clinicians. I am not sure if it is like that in all areas of health care, but for mental health in a social service context you are basically taken advantage of (for a cheap rate no less). We had both been burned in the field and were sitting alone before another day of training. But this morning we both discussed with one another just how odd it feels to be working for a company who tells you to have good boundaries and to only work until you meet your requirements (which are more than manageable). As much as I would like to think maybe they are lying, even the seasoned clinicians who have been there have said how satisfied they are with their jobs. It just feels like I am dreaming...
Could I just happen to be one of 80 lucky clinicians in central Indiana to find this job with the benefits of an agency with the flexibility I desire? We thought we were both too lucky...
It got me thinking about how people spend so much of their lives at work. You pour your heart and soul into it, and it almost feels like more of your life than family and other activities sometimes. I think I truly enjoy having good boundaries at my job. I feel like I got my life back. I don't have nightmares anymore where I wake up in panic. I am falling asleep in a few minutes each night and sleeping soundly. I feel more energetic and upbeat. I feel motivated to do more.
It's amazing how what you choose to expose yourself to can have such an impact on your life. I feel like I have said this in a number of entries, but it just keeps striking me how much we have to take care of ourselves and find where we are really meant to be. I definitely see myself at Cummins for a long season of life. I am excited to be around so many uplifting people. I am excited to already feel apart of a community. I really feel good about this. Now, I am ready to close that door that seems to haunt me from my past. My coworker described it as her own form of trauma that she didn't realize was so bad until she got out. I think I am realizing the impact of the last six months now that I am experiencing joy, passion and self-confidence (slowly) but once again. It reminds me of grad school when teachers and supervisors filled my heart with kind words and positive affirmation about my work with clients. I have come from cloud 9 to the depth of my trenches and now am back in the sun again. I am ready to move forward into the future. I would like to stop dwelling on that traumatic past, and look into the road ahead. I just hope these thoughts stay with me about the importance of taking care of me. I never want to lose myself again. Not for anyone, anything, or any job.... It just feels like I must be dreaming...
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