My baby isn't really a baby anymore. She looks like a baby when we go out and I see other toddlers. But she's not a tiny, cuddly, needy infant anymore. She screams in defiance when we change her diaper, she screams in delight on the swings. She's walking around and getting into every item 3 feet and lower on a shelf. We have 2-3 baby gates up all the time. She's a woman on the move.
A few of my friends have just had babies in the last month or so. They are so tiny. So little. So quiet and defenseless. That phase is just so precious and so short. While I'm happy I get to cook a meal, enjoy a cup of coffee, let the dog out without someone in my arms, I miss when K was so tiny that I just stared at her tiny little features as she slept. I look at old pictures from last year where she had no hair and just those big baby blue eyes, and now... she's like a mini person...
I am not ready to get pregnant again. I don't want to just get a "baby fix" by making more. I love all of these news parts and features she can do. I look forward to the zoo and the parks this year. We are building a tiny relationship of baby babble and sometimes real words she has no idea she is saying. But sometimes, I just want to wrap her up, like we used to... snuggle the afternoon away. I miss watching her sleep in her swing. Now, she's just always on the move. Woman on a mission.
Ugh, I am so glad I was home for all of it. I am so glad our little lives have changed so much. I have had so many moments and memories. Each day is another page of the book. I have to take time to stop and watch her. I want to soak her in. She is my special lady and I love every moment... (except those few times of sickness, teething, gasiness, monster blow outs, screaming tantrums in public, and pulling my hair/earrings, etc). It's amazing how fast toddlers learn and grow. One day they are laying on the floor eating dog fur and carpet fibers, and the next day they seem to have a 30 word vocabulary and watch television shows and laugh at funny parts. How does it all happen so fast? Why can't this phase just last a little longer?
She's a big girl. I am a big girl now, too. She's made me grow up. She's made me realize what matters. I no longer care that every hair on my head has been straightened, or if I got to work out, or if I finished everything on my to do list. She's taught me to let go. She's taught me to be messy. She's taught me sometimes, it's not worth it. She's taught me to ask for help. She's becoming my favorite shopping partner. She's been my walking buddy. She's no longer this "baby", she's my daughter. She is such a gift. God has been so good to me. I just can't believe how fast cells are divided and made. I wish time slowed down.
Well K, here's to toddlerhood. All that comes with it. I know I am in for a ride. We have just mastered walking independently... we still have running away, toilet training, eating with utensils, learning to take our diaper off, hair pulling, biting, and all the other fun things that are associated with toddlers. But you're still pretty sweet. You wave when I get your out of your crib in the morning. You pet Macy so softly. You lay your head down on your blanket on the floor when you're tired. You sip through straws and scream, "YEAH!" when I ask if you love your daddy. Just like the early days, there are high highs and those occasional moments where God is just checking for sure if I can let go and not be in control. I am sure time will fly and I'll look back at these moments and remember how sweet they were. Just please be kind K, and have short tantrums. You have my permission to be your own little person just as long as I get to pick your outfits, you leave your bow in your hair, and you stop scratching me with the razor claws that keep growing back every 36 hours. You've decided to go back to sleep. A wise choice for someone who is about to take on the world. It's another Monday, but you just keep getting older...
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