Still Fat... Must Endure....

It's been almost 400 days since I had a baby.  My weight loss has plateaued since July.  I've been eating clean (for the most part) for the last 50 days and I have lost my "Christmas weight" but I am back to where I was in July before I went back to work.  I have 3 months until I go on my Turks and Caicos vacation for a friend's wedding.  All of my skinny, not yet mommy, friends will be there looking the same or better than they did in college.  Meanwhile, I am yet to find my scale returning to a normal range.  I've yet to return to my old J.Crew pants without a muffin top, and I've yet to feel like I have truly made progress.

So, again, I am stepping it up.  I started running this week.  Got my mile time down a minute and a half since I started.  I've continued to eat clean, but have replaced a meal with a veggie/fruit smootie with Chia seeds and almond milk.  I've eliminated cow's milk, beef, pork, enriched flour, processed foods, refined sugar, juice, cereal, potatoes.....  And nothing... no weight loss.

Last week I had the stomach flu for three days and I lost a pound, only to regain it after I started retaining the fluid.  I have started taking a "green coffee bean extract" twice a day to aid with metabolism. 

At this point, if I don't lose weight in the next month, I will return to my doctor and ask her to check my blood levels.  It doesn't matter how much I keep sacrificing, I just can't seem to make any progress.  I feel healthier on the inside, but I still stay flabby and fluffy around the edges.

I know I haven't done this weight loss thing perfectly.  Last weekend on my girls trip I had five bad meals in a row.  I maintained my weight. 

I prayed really hard today on the treadmill.  This isn't about being a "certain number", it's about feeling like I can regain control of my body.  It's about feeling confident in my outfits.  It's about being healthy.  With each sacrifice, I feel like a better me and that's wonderful.  It keeps me motivated to keep pressing on, but I just really wish the scale could reflect it too.  I really wish my pants from before pregnancy could contain my belly.  I wish that as the stretch marks have started to fade away that my weight would just disappear. 

I've been no my ideal weight since I was in third grade.  This isn't a new thing.  But I have 20-30 pounds the doctor feels I can lose before I'd be where I should be.  I just need to know what's wrong...  I just need to keep trying.  I just need to not give up on me. 

A daily reminder that I have so much about myself that God is still working on... inside and out.  I am growing in endurance.  Growing in patience for certain...  I am realizing that the journey is just as important as the end result.  It's making a difference in how I feed our family and what habits my child is developing.  We are active and enjoy getting to do fun things.  We just have to keep trying, keep pressing on...  I appreciate all the support I have had along the way. 

It's cool to see our American culture slowly developing a desire to be healthy and well.  My generation is getting so wise at going back to eating REAL food and being active.  Maybe part of this holding onto weight is so that this becomes our life style and we don't want to go back.  I am feeling that most days, but I'd sure love a Little Caesar's Crazy Bread about now, too.....

All part of the journey :)