A Turning Point

There must have been something about buying size 14 pants that was a wake up call.  Maybe more so seeing that I had some how placed getting back into shape at the bottom of my priority list since I went on family vacation in July.  I had lost about 55 pounds prior to the trip and pretty much caved back into old habits when I went back to my job.  After 30 days and then moving solely into working in my private office, my anxiety reached an all time high.  There was excitement, success, but also fear about failing.  Two months later, I am realizing I am making it.  I am no longer struggling day to day with lingering feelings.  Sure, I occasionally get nervous, but I feel like I am growing in confidence every day that I made a transition, a successful transition, to private practice.  I am able to pay the bills and now I am doing so well in the business that I am just trying to figure out how to free up more time, so I can keep working a little more.  I have figured out how to juggle the mom ball, the work ball, the house ball as best as I can.  I am sleeping, caring for myself better and finally ready to take on the weight again.

I wore my new outfit to work, felt better in it, but had this lingering feeling that I can't be content to stay in this size.  It's not a healthy weight even after a baby.  So while I am content that I am making progress, I realize with winter and holidays coming I need another push to take it up a notch.  I need motivation to get back on the eating well AND working out train...  Motivation....

Today, I reorganized the garage after my morning sessions.  I pulled down the treadmill and moved some things out of the way, so I no longer can't say I can't go for a run or a walk during the day.  We have a TV and DVD player for workouts and weights to kick it up a notch.  We have an ab ball, a sit up mat, and lots of workouts from Men's Health Magazine.  On the wall is a list of old times from running right before I got pregnant.  I was working on getting my two mile time under 25 minutes.  I stood looking at it in my work clothes.  I thought, I will walk.  Baby is asleep.  Treadmill is ready and hooked up.  So I walked, and then I thought, I want to go faster.  So I ran a mile... in my size 14 dress pants....  It was a slow mile, but a mile none the less.  I haven't really run like that in months.  Maybe since even before I got pregnant, but it felt wonderful.  I could tell my strength had shifted from my legs to my arms from carrying a big old 20 pound baby all the time.  I could feel the fluff, but I also felt like inside I was still strong and still able to do it.

I didn't have a full workout.  I burned 103 calories which is pretty much like half of a cookie, but I didn't make another excuse to sit on facebook or just do another chore during nap time.  I did something for me.  I feel better.  I feel more awake.  Now, I just need to figure out the motivation to do this daily... for me... for my Turks and Caicos body...

I am thinking of printing a picture of the beach.  I know when I stand in my one piece swim suit on the beach I want to stand as confident as I can because I took care of myself.  I am going to keep eating right and try to keep cutting out the extra junk I don't really need.  And I am going to try my best to keep running.  I need to make new habits as a mom, so KK can see what it means to live a healthy life.  Hope to find motivation, inspiration, and endurance to start a new habit and continue to try and get back to a healthier lifestyle.