Being a new mom, I think the last four weeks have been a series or trial and error. Everything I read in books, learned in classes, talked to the doctor about, and made a plan for sort of flew out the window starting with her due date and when I would work until. I don't think until you become pregnant, have a baby, and are knee deep into parenting that you really have any clue what you are in for. Even with lots of nannying, parenting classes, and a child development major from Purdue, I have never reached out to so many people for support, advice and resources. The really awesome part about it is that in the midst of this new and sometimes challenging time, God has provided so many people who have become like additional family to us while also making many of the relationships with much of our family stronger.
It started with the showers and all the people who showed up to shower a baby they haven't even seen with presents and gifts. Despite being three weeks early, when we came home day one we had everything we needed except a few packs of newborn diapers. Most people talk about how hard it is to provide for a baby, but with the support we had from our family and friends (and our parents friends), we managed to build a nest for this little lady that is far beyond what I thought we could provide. Since then, shopping has been for fun things like tu-tu's and tiny holiday wear or little luxuries like extra nursing tanks or more bottles to not wash as much. It has been such a blessing to realize that close to a hundred people in our lives have been part of getting our home ready for KK. Each blanket or outfit we use, I think, "Oh _____ gave her this" or "we got this from _____". It's been fun to see her try out each item and set up what will be where she continues to learn and grow.
Then as we got closer to the due date, I leaned heavily on the encouragement from my mom and people at work. Since I've been home, I really don't reach out to work, but while I was there, so many people were so encouraging. Telling me to go to the ER when my legs swelled and went purple, helping me make choices about working up until delivery day, and even just bringing me treats to say "I was thinking about you". It made the last few months bearable, and it felt good to realize that people do see past our work being a job and recognize the value of what really matters in life. I got to see bosses that always seemed "about the numbers" tell me not to worry about numbers and to take care of me in a genuine way. They complimented me and helped me to see how hard I do try. Even when she was born early causing a bit of chaos, they told me to care about the baby and have not even asked one questions about any of my clients.
Once my water broke, the whirlwind of my new life began. My parents answered within two telephone rings and were at the hospital shortly after I arrived. They drove from West Lafayette at 1:30 in the morning to be there for me. They have supported my choices from pain management, C-Section, breastfeeding, and recovery. They have supported me emotionally on the hard days when I felt like I wasn't doing things right. They have complimented my efforts and made me feel confident in being a parent. Many people say their parents cause stress when having a baby, but mine have been just the opposite. They stepped up by watching Macy for four days, carpet cleaning my bedroom, cleaning my house, spending two weeks cooking and doing laundry, and genuinely caring and providing for my new little family. As my mom drove home a week ago, I cried and worried I wouldn't be able to do it on my own. She gave me more encouragement and since continues to check in and make sure I feel strong and able each day. I see the love she has for her grand daughter each face-time chat and know that despite not being right here all the time, that she is rooting and cheering for me.
My husband has been an A+ Dad. He has sat up with me while I tried to breast feed at 3am providing conversation, support but not providing advice. He washes bottles until his hands cracked and continues to clean and do chores that I used to do. He comes home from work and takes baby and changes diapers, feeds her, and gives me time to do somethings for me. He has been generous with gifts (my love language) and allowed me to feel financially secure by working over time the last year. He has prayed for me, sought counsel for me, and continued to allow me to feel all those mixed bag of emotions that come during this time. He listens, is present with, and is gentle with me as I have needed a safe place to land some days. He is better than most dads and it's been so neat to see him so in love and obsessed with the baby. His service to me is a remind and a representation of his sacrificial and unconditional love in our marriage. It has made us a stronger couple. I feel a new love for him and even though we often run on little sleep and have pretty much staked out camp on the couch since I got pregnant, I feel like our lives have more joy than ever before. We are one of those lucky couples... soul mates... and feeling so blessed that God brought us together.
My in-laws have also been there coming down for a week with KK was born and showering her with gifts and us with food and love. They drive and set times to come down without thinking about the weather and genuinely just sit and enjoy her. Their whole side of the family have thrown showers, sent gifts, sent pizzas from Lou Malnatti's, offered baby sitting, and have even set dates to fly out to see her. We feel their love from miles away and know they would be over even more if they lived closer. It's amazing how even from four hours away, we are getting so much support and love on a regular basis. We look forward to all of the trips planned for the end of March, her future baby dedication, and Christmas.
While I always knew our family loves us and cared about us, I have been amazed by the number of people who have reached out to help us since KK was born. People from church who have offered motherly advice on feeding and brought over herbal medicine, oils, and resources. Our small group who baked breads, brought flowers, and have brought over meals. Friends from work who call and brought over meals. Girls from my sorority who sit and talk with me and listen. Friends from college and grad school who listen to what is going on and try to help with advice or support on feeding. Other mothers from high school and college who have been through what I am going through who sit on facebook chat at 11pm. Our neighbor who comes over and did a feeding OT eval and provided suggestions and support about how to help Kaylie feed better and what to talk to the doctor about. Friends who have offered to do our dishes, make meals, bring food over, and stop by to bring me some social interaction. Each day, someone or some people reach out to us and provide support some how. I never realized how much community could change your life. I have always felt like I could handle things on my own, and being humbled and in this place where I have needed help and so many have been there for us, I don't have the right words to say thank you, but I am truly thankful.
When I think about these people who love us so dearly and thoughtfully, I know that God has placed many different people in our lives and the lives of our family to help us raise Kaylie. Being a parent is so much more than what I thought of. It has emotional ups and downs which aren't bad, but are more intense than I ever imagined. As a new mom, I thought I would be able to do more than I am, have no problems with all I had read and learned, and never anticipated our perfect bundle of joy would need support as well. I have never felt more helpless, but supported. I have never felt more challenged but humbled. I have never felt more blessed and provided for. I realized that God places a family in your life for a reason. That family is not only your birth family, but your church family, and your life family who have been in parts of your life for a season, but return when it really matters most. I just wanted to say thank you for all that have been there for us. A month into being parents, I am no where near as self-sufficient as I thought I would be, but I am seeing how the kindness of those who love you carry you through. So thanks everyone! We TRULY appreciate it!
No comments:
Post a Comment