Valley of the Shadow

They told us when I worked in foster care that you tell post adoptive parents in the process of therapy it normally gets worse before it gets better.  Comforting...?  When I start with families on their journey through therapy, I am sure they never think of letting their child sleep alone in a hospital room trying to keep them from killing themselves.  Kids are funny in the sense that so often we see them as these innocent beings who purely experience joy and play.  Working with children with mental illness is probably most difficult because every day I see students who sometimes hate living.  They find no joy in play, they have no motivation to work, and the world is bad. 

Today, as I admit my fourth child in my career to inpatient, I find myself overcome with the sorrow that parents reflect to me that their child "is really this bad".  I feel drained again.  I know going to the hospital means stability for this child, but then I am overcome with the daily struggles leading up to this decision.  Will this child ever just experience play, friendship, love, and a care-free day?  I am supposed to comfort, guide and counsel my families, but daily I wrestle with my own theological understanding of why children go through such pain.  I struggle to have words.  So I stopped and reflected... the only thing that came was a song by Mark Schultz:

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty
You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me
I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I’ve never been before
You never said it would be easy
But You said you’d see me through
The storm

And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

Praying that the Lord carries me through tonight.  I pray he carries my kiddo and their family.  I pray he carries all my kids, their families, the teachers and staff, and all the other therapists and workers coming into the Valley of the Shadow daily....  We are in a battlefield... give us strength to fight again tomorrow.