My Love Affair with Bread

Since I was in third grade, I've struggled with my weight.  If left unchecked, I can put on weight not because I have terrible metabolism or there is anything wrong with my body, but because I LOVE FOOD!  I love carbs the most (with a side of cheese and occasionally some protein).  I could live off of Panera french baguettes with a side of soup (usually something made of a cream base), some diet pepsi and a healthy variety of sandwiches with thick focaccia bread.   I have been known as the connoisseur of bread among friends and family.  I usually have about a dozen forms of carbs on hand at home from frozen biscuits, a basic sandwich, a wrap of some kind, pizza crust, bagels, muffins, etc.  So the idea of realizing it is those sweet, processed, sugary staples of my diet that usually holds me back from my weight loss and knowing I have an extra 25 pounds on my body, I have come to terms with the reality that if I am going to get back to a healthy weight in the next six months to a year, I need to give them up for awhile.


Give them up?  Yes, friends, I have a love affair with bread.  I will admit, I LOVE them.  I get a sense of joy from eating bread.  I have been like "Mother Bread" the symbol from Panera (a loaf in every arm).  I look forward to Little Caesar crazy bread or any bread with butter and cheese on it.... Red Lobster biscuits, Olive Garden Sticks, Logan's loaf.... the list continues.  I can't have a salad and ignore that cute carb on the side, because I LOVE them.  They are the cherry on my sundae, and I could totally pass up all the candy, chocolate, and other bake goods in the world, but throwing out the breads is like an alcoholic giving up their cocktail of choice. 

In working with addicts, I recognize the full love and obsession that their can be with an addiction.  It's a wrestling match to give up the one thing that is killing you.  And while my obsession with baked deliciousness is not yet life threatening, I have a theory that if I let my poor eating habits developed in pregnancy continue, I will end up heavier and heavier unable to regain control.  That will spiral to depression and without conscious thought, I will become a candidate for the Biggest Loser....  ok, I know, a bit extreme, but it happens. 

Today is the day that my addiction with not only refined flour ends, but so does my tendency to eat a pile of processed poo known as 97% of products at the grocery store.  I know I will not live as a purest, and my goal is to get back to my typical weight so I can wear my closet of J. Crew cuteness, but until those size 10 boot cut petite cut jeans fit again, I have to start denying myself my drug of choice.  I also need to give up my other "gateway drugs" of processed cereals, frozen entrees, chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, and the number of childhood comfort foods who have kept me great company in the last year. 

My kitchen was stocked two days ago with fresh, clean power foods.  Lots of produce, eggs (organic cage free), lean meats, plain yogurt, millet, and Ezekiel bread (aka a pile of bird food smashed into the shape of bread).  I have tossed out processed cheese, denied the biscuits and am going to move all processed frozen foods out to the garage deep freezer.  I am going to control my portions and start trying to eat these fruits and veggies.  Me... the child who only ate corn and green beans as a child will expand my horizons and eat a wide rainbow of flavors and colors that I don't mind eating (I just don't love them the way I love bread).  

It's just hard for me because the love affair, the addiction, the entertainment and enjoyment of food needs to end on a daily basis.  Food is fuel, not fun.  Food sustains life, but it should not consume my life.  Food is necessary for living, but it is not supposed to be an obsession for rich and indulgent consumption each four hours.  God did not create us to be in love with our food.  We were created to need it for survival.  I need to change not only what I eat, but how I feel about food.  I need to recognize the junk I continue to put into myself at an unhealthy rate out of enjoyment not out of need.   

I am motivated.  Today I am prepared for change.  I am ready to say goodbye for awhile... (Clearly, it won't be forever, but my obsession and my view needs to change). 

Dear Bread, 
We had a good long run together.   Since I was a kid, and your warmth from the basket filled my belly with soft and flaky goodness, you have comforted me and kept me happy.  But slowly, I have started to grow and change and I don't like the person I become when we are together too much.  I have to set boundaries.  I need a break.  Our relationship is unhealthy and unbalanced.  I need to meet other foods and see what else there is out there... I know this will be hard for you as you're still in my pantry and I am not going to eat you this time.  You will spoil and get moldy, and I will throw you away if Chris doesn't consume you.  But we won't have our rendezvous three times or more a day.  I am going to the fridge and trying some new things.  It doesn't mean I don't love you and won't think of you.  But I have to do this for me.  I have to get healthy and move on with my life.  Please don't hate me.   
Love your longest and best friend....