Room For More?

In a given day, I have added up I do about 8-10 feedings totaling 6-8 hours, and I pump for about 2 hours total a day.  This means I still work full-time being a mom just in feeding alone.  It is going faster as baby's throat/swallowing is getting better and so we are finally able to drink four ounces at a time, but we are still eating about every three hours.  This week my business partner and I for my private practice are planning a big move to the Fishers/Castleton area for the summer and to renew our yearly partnership agreement.  In thinking about returning to work at the school in August, being a mom with full-time activities of feeding, changing, and not sleeping, the thought of expanding a business is either going to be through God's blessing or the universe aligning in a miraculous way, so that I can work two jobs, be a mother and a wife, manage a home, and still do my hair and shower every day???  

Tomorrow we brainstorm my long-term goal of moving over to private practice and the marketing campaign it will take to make that endeavor a reality.  While my heart races with excitement, my body and brain is still struggling to make it through the day without OD'ing on caffeine.  I want so badly for this practice to work, but I also know I have a secure job waiting for me when the school year starts.  I want a job where I can be a mother for Kaylie, but also be true to my passions in the clinical field.  I felt like God was calling me to have my own practice, but the timing of everything is coming down to the wire, and the safe decision is to just go back to my full-time job in community mental health. I am constantly praying, "do I play it safe with an easy 8-3 job or do I take a leap in a job where I have over double the earning potential in half the time, but I don't have clients yet??"

I have two hearts: one of service to the poor but the other to do work with clients who are driven to make life change through the art and skill of psychotherapuetic techniques, not just life skills.  I want people to go deeper in therapy than proper routine, family rules, and a discipline technique.  I want to talk about attachment, bonding, play therapy, family genograms, emotionally-focused couples work, Imago therapy, filial therapy.... the stuff I went to school for.  I know what I love, but I also know God has blessed me with the skills to serve the poor communities in the city where kids often find therapy as their only emotional support. 

Can I do both?  Do I really have room for that much more?  While I was pregnant, I had one private client a week and a full time job and I was fried.  Now that she's here, I don't even shower and I'm not working either... How will I do all this?  What will I do?   What is God's plan for my life as a mother and therapist?  Can I really fit all this in or will I have to give something up?  Will I give up my dream or give up my security? 

I am not sure what to do but I have until August to truly decide.  Maybe there is a way to make it all work but I need one of those cute postcards from heaven that give me clear direction (you know what I am talking about... doesn't God send you direct and clear messages about the best choices to make??:) )  Yeah, I know.  I think sometimes discernment is an art form that I have yet to master.  So now starts a season of prayer in between learning how to be a mom, I will either make a dream come true or put it on a shelf.  So much of it will be up to the big man upstairs, but I want to be open to whatever that looks like for my life.