What Day is it?

6pm on a Friday night.  I am still in my pajamas from last night, pumping my breasts for the fourth time today, and thankful Chris and his parents are home to hold KK.  It's the first time today for a prolonged period of time since 11pm last night that I don't have to hold the baby.  Not that I don't love to hold her, but I am still getting used to not doing things on my time.  I am still getting used to leaving things half done: vacuumed but left the vacuum out, half dishes done, laundry got through the washer but needs the dryer...  My hair's a mess, my face is dry, and I have never looked more unattractive in my life.  Tomorrow marks 5 weeks with Baby Squiggles, and I see clearly now why you get a paid maternity leave in most jobs.  Having a baby has been so life changing and I never truly was able to imagine how different things would be.  I used to have a schedule by the minute from 6:30am until 11pm, but now every move I make is dependent on her needs.

Today, I got the best delivery, a MOBY wrap.  I say that in capitals because after I figured out the somewhat complicated tying of it, I was transported into another universe of motherhood.  I had HANDS again... actually, I had ARMS again.  My dear friend, Robyn, had no idea what I needed for KK as she lives in NY but she took a change and ordered this wrap.  I heard they were good but I did little research.  Between reading about breastfeeding, pumping, posterior tongue ties, and all the other stuff I've been reading about, I didn't think about this wrap.  So when it came in the mail today (while I was in the midst of pumping the second time), I sat down and tried to read the instructions (luckily there are pictures too).

Never in my life have I been so willing to "just try anything if it works". I have always done things my way and by my understanding, and it has been so humbling to try so many things another way.  This wrap was revolutionary to me.  The baby instantly stopped crying and went limp in it.  She was like "I'm home mommy" and fell asleep.  Then, I vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen, dusted, and wrote thank you notes.  It sounds silly and simple, but when you're home all alone for 9 hours a day with a newborn, having access to two hands at one time is a rarity.

All I know is that in the midst of the messiness that is now me, I have some amazing people in my life who think for me and help me when I feel like every hand, arm and brain cell is tied up with infant care.  As I wrote a few thank you notes today, I realized just how lucky I am to have had so many women welcome me into motherhood with such support whether they are mothers or not.  The wisdom of other women has been my informal "village to raise a child" and I am pretty sure that's why the phrase came about.

Being a mom is hard work, the hardest work I've ever done because it's not about me, my time, my goals, or my schedule.  The pay out was after her nap next to me, she looks up and for about three seconds smiles a cute little smile before she cries for dinner and has a giant diaper filled with a half day's worth of ... well, you know.  We are figuring this out, step by step, and day by day.. Well, I am almost done pumping... maybe I can get a shower in and put on clean clothes :)