I like to think back at time in terms of how you change from year to year, like where I was a year ago... A year ago, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy. I had just gotten over two months of stuffy noses and plugged up ears and started getting a food allergy reaction, a knot in my back, and swelling. I was just finishing up work with one of the most exhausting cases which led to me getting wrongfully accused of "slander" by a father upset that I called CPS on his household after his 8 year old showed several signs of sexual abuse and neglect (legally required of me to do in the state of Indiana). This was in addition to almost 40 other kids I was seeing for various mental health issues. There was never enough time, never enough energy, and never enough resources for me to feel like I made a difference. Each day, I left the office never complete with work but always completely drained. It was a very stressful time. I was coming home with migraines and feeling so tired that I usually came home and went to sleep around 5 or 6 at night, only waking for dinner. Pregnancy is hard. I don't think I had any other image than the pregnancy "glow" which I think was more like a two week period somewhere early September after morning sickness stopped...
This year is so very different.
My child, who I was unsure I ever thought I would have, is not only alive but so well. She's gabbing up a storm, is healthily attached to me and Chris, crawling and side stepping, appropriate weight and height, and is meeting all of her milestones before they are "due". She is a happy baby. A good baby. A baby that I love to spend all day with. We are forming a tiny little relationship and it's so amazing to be here day to day to witness all these cool new firsts.
My marriage, while not always perfect, is such a blessing. We have molded into two mature people (most of the time) who God continues to bless with friendship, resources, and support. I can't say enough about Chris. He is a patient man who saves his leadership for times when it really matters. He is so easy going that it's almost hard to upset him. His has a huge heart for our family, our daughter, and he is one of the best dad's I know. Chris has stepped up and become a truly honorable husband this year. He is quiet about his good deeds and won't flaunt them. He doesn't seek admiration and he doesn't rub in his work into my face. Sometimes I miss all that he does because he is so humble. He works hard, at work and at home. He is my helper and even though I have found our passions vary with what we love to do at times, we appear to balance each other out. We are growing into our marriage and I find more joy in it than I did those early months. I find we are a unit. We are a team. And while the rest of the world often feels hard to push through, I feel like my sanctuary is within our marriage.
Our Church is our family. A large family of over 10,000 or more in the congregation these days, but family none the less. When I started attending Grace in 1999 about this time of year, I knew one person, my friend's father who took me when I expressed interest in going to church. Today, I know hundreds of those peoples and for seasons of my life we serve, grow, pray, and worship together. I look at how each area of our church has also served me and what a blessing it is to attend there.
Our families who this year have out done themselves in being present for us in time of need. I am thankful for them in times of joy like KK's birth and times of sorrow like my grandma's passing. I am thankful that despite our differences we still love one another so much to forgive daily and be close. I am especially thankful for
my mom. She has helped me so much this year. From adjusting to motherhood, helping me with 4 months of trying to breastfeed an infant whose throat muscles weren't well developed, going to doctor's appointments, and always bailing me out when I can't find a baby sitter, she is pretty much my life saver right now. We talk almost daily, usually because I'm lonely and she's my best friend. Since my grandma has gotten older, I have found that there isn't the reciprocal relationship like there used to be, and it's been a joy to watch my mom and I grow closer as I have become a wife and mother. We don't always agree, and I don't always take her advice, but she's always there for me.
My small group is my other rock. They are a three other couples who have been with Chris and I since our first summer of marriage. They have challenged us, supported us, been there on days like when I quit my job and I was unsure if God would provide. They have watched our kid, watched our dog, and always been there to pray for us. We have served together, discerned life together, and worshiped together. They are truly good people that God has placed in our life.
My friends are evolving and changing this year. Mainly because having a child was such a game changer. I am amazed by the people who helped us prepare for Kaylie. I am more amazed by all the people who came this year to help us. Our pastor's wife came over quite often and prayed for me, made us dinner, bought me things to help with breastfeeding, and gave me tons of resources to try and make good decisions. Many of my pledge sisters who I continue to grow closer to as we grow and mature, and they see me and support me even though our lives look so different. Friends from work, who held my hand when I quit and told me it was ok. Friends who also became moms who shared in the joy and the frustrating days. We have so many good friends near and far that I am overwhelmed with their love.
My job has been another amazing blessing God has given us. It has gone from one client in March to almost 30 now in November. My cup overflows and most days I have more work than I can do. I am booked pretty solid these days, even starting KK in daycare two days a week in the new year because I am so busy. I am so blessed at work. It's energizing. There is no micromanaging. And well there are still crappy things to do like bill claims, unclog toilets, and accounting meetings all of which are not as much my passion as therapy, but I am doing REAL THERAPY. No more life skills, no more just accessing people to resources, but real therapy that I went to school for. It's so amazing.
My home is another miracle. The neighborhood we never thought we would be able to afford three years ago is now our home. It's not just a house. It's a neighborhood with really good people who share tools, have BBQ's, go our for drinks, help each other. My neighbor who found out KK wasn't swallowing well and relieved me of the pressure that I sucked at breastfeeding. She's been to our home countless times this year to help. She is not my neighbor anymore, she's my friend. I am so lucky to have her and about a dozen other really amazing women (and their families) in my life around here. I can't see moving. No other neighborhood has this many cool people in it. This house is 22 years old. We need a new shower, front windows and a list of a million other things that could use a face lift or to be redone, but it's our home. And we grow into it and it just feels more like home.
My Macy who is the best dog on the planet (except when she digs holes in the yards, chews up stuff that I leave out, sheds all over, and whoo's at us before it's time to get up). My parents who always said dogs were a lot of work forgot to tell us about all the joy they bring. While Macy requires lots of love and brushing and vacuuming, she is also the most loyal and loving pal we could have asked for. She gets her fur pulled and for months she listened to a crying baby. She never left my side during pregnancy and we layed together those days after work when I had nothing to give and she just put her head into me and slept. She is my dream dog. She is our best friend. We will love her every day God gives us to her because she is just a treasure and a joy to have.
Relationships are clearly very important to me. I think of the list of people I could site as truly important to me, and I can't even narrow it down to 30 or 50. We have some really awesome people in our lives. Some I see weekly, some I see monthly, some I only see on a rare occasion like a wedding or a yearly trip, but we are blessed to know so many wonderful people. I wish the world was smaller or they invented teleports. Sometimes I just miss some of them. Sometimes in the business of life we don't talk. But the ones who see past all that, and love me just the same, are truly precious gifts. I have been showered in love this year.
I am thankful for so much. More than 26 days worth. Our cup runneth over. Our hearts do, too. Thank you for reading my blog. The letters and emails I have gotten inspire me to write in my darkest moments. I hope this is a blessing some day to you. HAPPY THANKSGIVING (a week early) :)
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