Like I Know You

It's been 22 weeks and three days with my daughter growing inside of me.  We've already had some ups and downs.  The first 14 weeks were tough and were represented by five pounds of weight loss.  The last two months have been a roller coaster of skin rashes, belly kicks, food cravings, side cramps, joyful ultrasounds, sheer exhaustion, but this underlying get to know you phase of time.  I know what positions and times of day gets her going, and I know that my daily caffeine or nightly allergy medication will raise and lower the activity rates.  The kicks are getting more intentional as I now see my belly jiggle like Santa in the evening.

Then came the nursery, the clothes shopping, the name picking (on going)... The little pumpkin we made, we are falling in love with.  I stand alone sometimes in her little pink corner of the house with her night light on thinking, "soon enough, I will be sitting with you in my arms rocking you...".  I'll look at every detail of her face.  Those tiny eye lashes and puckery lips will melt my heart and all these days of ups and downs will be forgotten.  I picture tiny hands holding blankets and coming out of fuzzy fleece jammies.  I don't really seem to care about anything else lately and with each little kick, I am overcome with the "get to know you process" that comes with any new relationship.

Every baby is special to their mother.  Every baby has a unique relationship with their parents.  I have many parents that I work with who notice every last uniqueness between their kids.  One slept through the night, the other was feisty and always doing their own thing.  I am trying to enjoy each day.  I know in about 124 more, I won't be sitting alone after work when daddy plays volleyball.  Pretty soon there will be a little snuggle bunny here with me.  I am pretty excited for her to come.  I know there will be those toddler meltdowns, those pre-teen arguments about short skirts and skanky tanktops, those teenage power struggles, and those young adult heart breaks where I can't do anything to help her, but I am excited for another journey.  It's another season of waiting, but a day after day process of getting to know her more.  Until I see her face to face, I just pray for her, listen to her, think about how to love her the right way.

Towards about 18 weeks, I just felt like this baby was a girl.  In my heart, I have truly been digging deep down to understand why I wanted a girl, and I think I see the unique mother/daughter relationship and I want that to continue in my life.  And now that she's coming, I feel myself growing in infatuation.  I will be that crazy mother trying not to over post but wanting the whole world to see her.  I want so much for her.  I stand in church singing, praying, holding her in my belly, praying for her hope and her future.  Pumpkin, I apologize in advance... you are loved very much and I feel like Will Ferrel in Elf.. "I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it"... I think you're ok with that... you just kicked me. :)  I can't wait to see you, I feel like I already know you.  You are part of me and part of my best friend (clearly you are going to be WONDERFUL)... just be more like your dad.  He is way more easy going....