It all concluded today when my mommy friend and I attempted to have our last pool day before she goes back to work at a school. When we arrive early we sat down at the park to play until the gates opened. The kids were excited, lunches packed, pool bags ready and sunscreen on when as the minutes passed 11am, the doors never opened. After about 15 minutes, a woman at the park said, "you all waiting for the pool? They decided to close it for the rest of the summer....." WHAT?! Its freaking August 4th and you are closing the pool that we have passes to... That's a metaphor for the summer. A build of excitement and a fast let down.
We are still sick with some viral infection that's now bronchitis. Not contagious so I can rejoin the public but none the less annoying that I can't go five minutes without coughing and I can't sleep through the night. We lost the baby. We lost so many pool days to rain and cold weather. We lost our health so we couldn't go to the zoo or story hour at the library. My first summer with a toddler and we spent the majority of it napping, staying hydrated, and sterilizing the house. And now on a beautiful day, we return home from the park with an unused pool bag and dry suits on.
The kids are starting to go back to school and I keep thinking, "no no no it can't be over". We missed out. I will have to wait another 9 months to get into a pool. Another nine months to have my teacher friends home to play with. Another 9 months to get day time appointments on my work days so I can get home early. Another 9 months until I get home before dark. Another 9 months until the world slows down and we just chill and have fun. This was such an anticipated time for rest and restoration but it instead became the low point of the year. Anyone else have one of the deserts that you walk through and it just feels like you will never get relief?
So, all I can do is look forward to another season. In the fall, which is my second favorite season, I make goulash, and decorate for fall holidays. I wear sweat pants and we have bonfires. The leaves change and there's football and my mom's group starts up again. My niece and nephew are due and there is still plenty of nice days to go for walks, play outside, and enjoy my flowers. I know eventually this infection will go away. I will get well, and we will get ready to try to have another baby. God will provide space for healing and I know I will get restored. The reality is that life has these seasons of joy and sorrow. We have times all of our dreams come true and times that we just have to watch the minutes pass. There are times we are blessed with fun experiences and times where we merely just survive.
I guess summer is ending. Once the pool closes it's all down hill. But I can't keep holding on to all I have lost or missed this summer. I have so many good times ahead. There is so much joy that awaits. I just want so badly to feel well again. I just want so badly for our home to be healthy. I just want our little life back. I guess until then, I will just be thankful for all that we have been given because there's no point in being sad about all the misfortune. It will only make a sad day sadder.
Eventually all deserts end and lead into gentler climates. I can't just lay down and accept this is my reality. I will keep walking (and taking vitamins, probiotics and all those healthy things) and I know we will march into a calm pasture eventually. So, goodbye "no luck summer", I hope we never see you again. I hope we have a hopeful harvest this fall and are reminded of God's goodness, grace, and mercy. We certainly are ready to feel well again.
